Only a mothe r could love this liver
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
