I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize