Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
