This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
