i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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