If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
