is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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