white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
