I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
