he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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