We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
