were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
