so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
