First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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