I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
