even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
