My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
