we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's get the cat blown out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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