So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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