tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
