I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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