Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
