Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize