Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
