OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
