i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
