I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
