we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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