which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
