please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize