so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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