Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
