im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
