How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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