People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
