Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
