I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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