the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't turn off my feet"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
