My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
