haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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