Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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