I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
