just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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