census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
