what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
