oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Damn victory sex feels great
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
