You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
