I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
