Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
