Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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