tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
