around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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