she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
