can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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