So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
