just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im part way to drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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