i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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