i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
