She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
