Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
