it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
