I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
