I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
