your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
