You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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