i can't believe i had my finger in that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
