I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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