I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
