Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
